Show Notes for Thursday, January 29, 2026

Thursday, January 29, 2026

What We're Talking About

The news we couldn't ignore if we tried

Fake Students, Real Money, Zero Consequences

ABC News— Scammers are inventing “ghost students” to steal billions in college aid, leaving taxpayers paying the bill and real students stuck with surprise debt. Online enrollment made it easy, and now schools are scrambling to clean up the mess.

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Your Chips Are Finally Admitting They’re Not Neon

DailyMail— Doritos and Cheetos are ditching artificial dyes and showing up in “Simply NKD” packaging, revealing their natural, faded colors. Same crunch, same flavor—just without looking like they were dipped in highlighter ink.

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Substitute Finds Out There Are Questions You Don’t Ask at Work

DailyMail— A Vegas sub tried to spark a “discussion” by using a racial slur in class and asking why some people can say it and others can’t. The internet exploded, parents called, and he was fired before the bell even rang. Turns out curiosity is not a defense strategy.

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Now You Have to Tip the App

YourTango— A Papa John’s customer says the app wouldn’t let them pick up a pizza without adding a tip first. No delivery, no service—just a digital guilt trip that had to be paid off in pennies to get dinner.

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Late to Class, Early to Jail

WTSP— A Florida substitute showed up so drunk he couldn’t back out of a parking spot, got stopped by a school officer, and earned a DUI before ever seeing a classroom. “Drunker than Cooter Brown” is not a teaching credential.

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Yes, They Made a Beer Out of Bear Poop Water

NY Post— Just in time for the Super Bowl, a brewery teamed up with Columbia to make a “beer” brewed with water infused with bear droppings. They swear it’s safe. America once put a man on the moon and now we’re doing this.

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Ask Uncle Bobby

Bad advice for good people.

As heard on the B-Team Morning Show

Each weekday, some poor soul writes in for help. Uncle Bobby gives them the worst advice we can legally put on the air.

March 11 · Today's Letter

Dear Uncle Bobby,

I feel jealous whenever my coworkers get recognized or promoted, and even when they get small perks like a nicer desk setup. I am tired of feeling behind and I do not know how to stop comparing myself. How do I deal with this without letting it affect my work?

Promotion Envy Desk Rage
Stapler Envy Goblin

Want to hear what Bobby actually told them?

Read Today's Bad Advice →

Today's Holidays

Celebrate the weird stuff. We do.

Holiday #1 of 4

Freethinkers Day

Freethinkers Day is when we all pretend that thinking for yourself is still legal and not just something people say right before quoting a podcast they barely understood. It’s pegged to Thomas Paine’s birthday, because nothing says “revolutionary spirit” like dying broke and being buried in a field by two friends who couldn’t agree where your bones should go. The holiday’s goal is to celebrate reason and logic—so naturally, it gets less attention than National Donut Day and whatever nonsense involves dressing your dog like a taco. But sure, raise a glass to independent thought, just don’t ask too many questions or you’ll ruin brunch.

Hear this bit on the show